Monday, October 14, 2013


Yesterday I got to go church for the first time in probably a month. As I was driving home, looking at the beautiful trees, leaves bright red and orange, I wondered, How? How is it possibly Fall?

I'm still stuck in April.

The beginning of that week in April was marked by something horrible. There were fatal bombings at the Boston Marathon. There was so much sadness that week. It was hard not to question our decision to bring another child into this broken world, full of these senseless acts of violence. But there was hope in our decision as well...we were bringing goodness into the world. A perfect, innocent child who would have the potential to touch bring it light.

On the morning of April 20th, we welcomed our sweet boy. For a couple hours, all was well with the world. Even after a very intense and painful labor and delivery, I was doing quite well, and so was Ezra (or so we thought). I can't remember the exact moment, or the exact words that came from the doctor's lips that first brought news of Ezra's medical issues, but I do know that from that moment on, after those words were spoken, life stood still. Seasons have come and gone, but as far as I'm concerned, the earth stopped spinning that day.

The days that followed Ezra's birth, days that should have been filled with joy and happiness and getting to know our sweet boy and establishing our family of four, were filled with so much sadness, so much worry. Before I even had a chance to recover from 40 weeks of pregnancy and life's most grueling miracle, we were whisking Ezra away to doctors' offices and hospitals.

At the beginning, the prognosis looked good. I remember optimistic words from doctors like, "He looks great! This all will probably clear up on it's own." Followed too quickly by much less optimism, confusion and head scratching...for many months.

There have been so many highs and lows over the course of these months, nearly six months now. Some days have been LONG, others gone in the blink of an eye. But it's all been a blur, as if we have been living in an alternate universe. It is as if life will not go on, the earth will not start spinning again, until we know for sure what we are facing. Will Ezra have to undergo a transplant where so many odds seems stacked against his favor? Will he be sentenced to a lifetime of continued health problems because of some syndrome? ...Or worst of all, both?

Whatever the answer to those questions, a beautiful light has come into the world in the shape of Ezra. A perfect (maybe not physically, but perfect nonetheless), innocent child who in the words of a friend, has touched the hearts of more people in his young life than most of us will in a lifetime.

God bless you little Ezra. In six short months you have brought so much goodness into the world...and no matter what, it will start spinning again.

1 comment:

Nora Cloutier said...

Well, I will try again. I am having trouble making my comments work. I just wanted to remind you that you are all still actively being prayed for daily. We love you all so much. I wish I could hug and kiss little Ezra! Give him one for me!